First of all, chemo treatment was BRUTAL! The toughest treatment by far! It's taken quite some time to recover, and I'm still in the process of recovery. But, because the chemo was very effective my doctor decided to add 2 more chemo infusions. For some reason, after my last Chemo my head began to hurt and I had uncontrollable nausea. Knowing this wasn't normal my doctor immediately ordered a brain scan. Sure enough, I was hit with the news that the cancer has spread to my Brain and that's where I have been.
Not only does my brain feel like scrambled eggs, I can't think past the unknown. I feel like I'm In a dark hole and I'm being buried alive and slowly my breathing feels heavier and heavier.
Secondly, no shame.... I've been dealing with the separation of my spouse. That's the TRUTH. Life can suck, that's it. Yes, it's been the HARDEST SEASON OF MY LIFE. I've been down in the dumps, I lost who I thought loved me the most, the person I expected to stand behind my back no matter what. But I've gained sooooooooo much more! My parents, family and friends have supported me and continue to do so and shower me with love every second of every day. And for that, I couldn't be more thankful.
Thirdly, I've been dealing with physical therapy. Ever since the beginning of the year, my arm went numb. After a few consultations with surgeons, they don't wish to do any kind of surgery unless it is to remove my arm. Are they ridiculous?! I believe all healing power will come from the Lord, and I'm already starting to move my arm which is a miracle in it self!
This is my rant, this is my blog. This is my life now, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. But it's time to get back up, and dust my self off. This is the time I need to fight harder, and live bolder and I WILL BEAT THIS!
I'm done hiding, I'm done feeling sorry for myself.
I will continue to write and be as honest as possible with anyone with questions or concerns.