Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Healing Is Not Linear

Pain...... So much pain. Day and night I fight the same demons trying to take me with them. I get surrounded by darkness and the only thing I can do is call out to God for help; for mercy....for some of His Grace.

Now, I don't believe this cancer journey is some kind of curse or punishment; God does not punish His children. I believe this trying time is to change me and make me the person God wants me to be. Maybe I needed to work on my patience, it's definitely being tested. Maybe I needed to be more loving, I was never the affectionate kind. Maybe God is setting up a new life for me; In a new place, where I can appreciate and see life through different lenses. Where I can value my husband, my family, my fur/feather babies, my (yet) non existing human babies to the fullest.

Positivity. It might seem as though I am full of it, but the reality is that it's taken my husband and family so long to get me to think this way. I wanted out, I didn't want to fight a disease where all odds are against me. Cancer stage 4, spreading everywhere. Doctor says I have no chance of being cured, and I should prepare for the worst. Here's what I have to say about that....

2 Corinthians 4:8

"We often suffer, but we are never crushed. Even when we don't know what do, we never give up. In times of trouble, God is with us, and when we are knocked down, we get up again."

All I know, is that God is watching over me and He is much more powerful than any petty disease. The doctors have their limit and have done what they can, God will do what they cannot; the impossible. He has opened doors where I saw no way out, and I know he has control of this entire situation. Cancer changes us, it affects the surrounding family members as well. But it's up to us to decide what that change will mean in our lives; And who we will become as a result.