Saturday, July 25, 2015

Depression And Cancer

Depression is a word that should not be taken lightly, depression during cancer can be even more dangerous. I was never informed depression was a side effect to chemotherapy, I wasn't informed of many things actually. This hit me hard.

Let me back track, I was 4 months into chemo treatment and besides the obvious side effects, everything seemed to be going as planned. It was a Sunday, and I felt pretty confident to go out that day; something I wouldn't do very often due to weakness and nausea. My husband I went to church and after we went out to buy a new pillow to help me sleep better. My parents would call me everyday to make sure I was doing ok. Sure enough I received a call from mom. She was very short with small talk and quickly said "you're dad had an accident, he's in the hospital."

My world fell apart, I couldn't comprehend what had happened. I asked "how? What happened?" And I wasn't getting a clear answer. We rushed over to the hospital, it felt like years had passed by the time we got there. My dad is a man of faith, he was the one encouraging me and telling me I was going to beat cancer. To see him laying in a hospital bed, it was heart wrenching. He was always 100% there with me for every doctors appointment I had. He knew I had chemo the next day, and he seemed to be more concerned about who would be going with me than his own health state.

The doctors said they found a tumor on his brain and they didn't know if it was cancer. The only way they would know was by removing it with brain surgery. Surgery itself is intense, but brain surgery?! God always has the upper hand in every situation. Doctors said it would take months for my dad to recover and learn his motor skills again; talking, walking, doing things on his own. I'd like to testify my dad walked out of that hospital, talking and walking; the doctors were shocked.

Before my dads accident happened, he would spend time with me in my apartment. He would bring me flowers, food, and always a smile to my face. After his accident. I would be home alone and that's when depression hit me. I would cry everyday, all day long. I would wake up crying and go to bed crying. I felt as though my dad had passed away, I was mourning him. I felt like I was in this black hole, full of sadness and pain. As much as I would try to feel better, I couldn't.

Finally one day I had a wake up call by my husband. I was told my dad was alive! Instead of being sad and crying over him I should be celebrating and spending time with him. That's exactly what I did, from that day on I went over and hung out with him for weeks.

Regardless of the situation, I believe surrounding yourself with loved ones while being depressed is the key. I know my family forced me to go out, talk, and they distracted me. Although I wasn't in the mood, in the end they did make me very happy and ultimately got me out of that funk. Once I changed my perspective on life, I began to feel more like myself. One day I realized, I can feel again.....and I am happy.