Saturday, March 11, 2017

The Power Of Prayer

The past couple of months could be considered a nightmare for some people, however it has been a learning process for me and my parents. I had a body scan done and it seemed as though the cancer has once more spread. This time around I was told I was in jeopardy of being permanently disabled so I was instantly admitted to the hospital for a week. I started radiation the next day, no time to waste! 

This might bring anyone down, and trust me it has, but who has been there but God's powerful hand. I have been what feels like deserted by "friends" and "family", but who has stood by my side? God has. I still believe He has control of everything and have full faith that no matter what the doctors say ultimately God has the last word. 

Jeremiah 30:17

"But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds declares the Lord"

Isaiah 26:4

"Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, himself is the Rock eternal" 

Sometimes I don't understand how people don't value even then smallest things; such as beautiful day. I'm grateful for every day of life I get. Through the power of prayer I have become strengthened and fallen more and more in love with God. I know this journey is just a process, no matter what I'm told I'm staying as positive as I can. 









Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Do Not Lose Faith or Hope...

Lately I have had chronic pain with the shingles, and other random bumps showing up on my body. My bones hurt, my nerves hurt, my head hurts, it seems never endless. I have fallen over and over again because I'm still so weak and became anorexic; and have bruises all over knees. But through it all I still know God has control. I will not let physical pain steer my faith away, if anything it makes me trust God even more.


Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have access by faith into grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.


It would be a lie if I said there hasn't been times where i've wanted to give up and stop fighting for my life. But when I get to that place, I tend to bury myself in scripture and worship music. Not only does it help anchor myself to God, but it helps feed my Soul and Spirit. I definitely have good days and bad days, and funny enough on those bad days my dog has been the one by my side... literally. However, my true consolidator is Jesus Christ.        


Romans 8: 18-19, 24-26

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed... For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the  Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  


Faith and Hope is all we need, no matter the situation or circumstances. Let's always remember that.                      


                 
                 
                 
                        







 

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

The shingles...

I'm After my brain radiation there were many side effects which I wasn't aware of, nor was I informed of. Apparently the shingles was one of them, and sure enough my body's defenses were all down and I got it. It is the most excruciating pain, like no other pain I've EVER felt. I do not wish this upon ANYONE!! No one deserves to feel this pain, all I can do is scream at the top of my lungs and cry. But despite the pain, I thank and praise God, because I know he has control over my life and this is just a process in which I need to go through.


Psalm 46:5

God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.


I believe God has great plans for my life as well as my family's, and that alone keeps me motivated to keep on fighting this battle. We should all really consider what is at the center of our lives, I have made God the center mine. Knowing He has control, there's nothing to fear no matter what the circumstances look like or the extreme pain I currently feel. Even when I seem to lose hope I remember God's promise.

2 Chronicles 20: 15

....This is what Lord says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's.'

This I believe whole heartedly! This battle belongs to Him, and that alone means let's me rest in peace. I may look sick but I see past it, I see a whole new life in front of me.  

                        
         




Thursday, January 5, 2017

Springs Up!

I cannot even begin to explain how God has taken my life into something so rich and beautiful. My eyes have found His and I'm holding on to Him and only Him!

Isaiah 43:19

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."


I'm so blessed to be surrounded by many amazing people who have nothing but love in their hearts. It's taken me sometime to come around and appreciate everyday God has allowed me to share this season of my life with them. I believe great things are coming my way and I definitely value that, God has control of my life no matter what I look like now or feel like. My Savior has given me strength to get this far. I finally feel free, and cannot wait for non-believers to see there is a real true God! As His children, all things come together for our good no matter what the situation is. Even in the worst situations, there is a reason we need to walk through the desert. Just like a Diamond needs to be put through fire to then come out shiny, this is how I see this process.

Mark 1:2-3

"As it is written in Isaiah the prophet: "I will send the messenger ahead of you who will prepare your way" "A voice of one calling in the wilderness, 'prepare the way for the Lord make straight paths for him.' "


   
                     
                           
















Wednesday, January 4, 2017

The TRUTH.

Where to start..... well since my last post, my life has completely changed.

First of all, chemo treatment was BRUTAL! The toughest treatment by far! It's taken quite some time to recover, and I'm still in the process of recovery. But, because the chemo was very effective my doctor decided to add 2 more chemo infusions. For some reason, after my last Chemo my head began to hurt and I had uncontrollable nausea. Knowing this wasn't normal my doctor immediately ordered a brain scan. Sure enough, I was hit with the news that the cancer has spread to my Brain and that's where I have been.

Not only does my brain feel like scrambled eggs, I can't think past the unknown. I feel like I'm In a dark hole and I'm being buried alive and slowly my breathing feels heavier and heavier.

Secondly, no shame.... I've been dealing with the separation of my spouse. That's the TRUTH. Life can suck, that's it. Yes, it's been the HARDEST SEASON OF MY LIFE. I've been down in the dumps, I lost who I thought loved me the most, the person I expected to stand behind my back no matter what. But I've gained sooooooooo much more! My parents, family and friends have supported me and continue to do so and shower me with love every second of every day. And for that, I couldn't be more thankful.

Thirdly, I've been dealing with physical therapy. Ever since the beginning of the year, my arm went numb. After a few consultations with surgeons, they don't wish to do any kind of surgery unless it is to remove my arm. Are they ridiculous?! I believe all healing power will come from the Lord, and I'm already starting to move my arm which is a miracle in it self!

This is my rant, this is my blog. This is my life now, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. But it's time to get back up, and dust my self off. This is the time I need to fight harder, and live bolder and I WILL BEAT THIS!

I'm done hiding, I'm done feeling sorry for myself.

I will continue to write and be as honest as possible with anyone with questions or concerns.



Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Healing Is Not Linear


Pain...... So much pain. Day and night I fight the same demons trying to take me with them. I get surrounded by darkness and the only thing I can do is call out to God for help; for mercy....for some of His Grace.

Now, I don't believe this cancer journey is some kind of curse or punishment; God does not punish His children. I believe this trying time is to change me and make me the person God wants me to be. Maybe I needed to work on my patience, it's definitely being tested. Maybe I needed to be more loving, I was never the affectionate kind. Maybe God is setting up a new life for me; In a new place, where I can appreciate and see life through different lenses. Where I can value my husband, my family, my fur/feather babies, my (yet) non existing human babies to the fullest.

Positivity. It might seem as though I am full of it, but the reality is that it's taken my husband and family so long to get me to think this way. I wanted out, I didn't want to fight a disease where all odds are against me. Cancer stage 4, spreading everywhere. Doctor says I have no chance of being cured, and I should prepare for the worst. Here's what I have to say about that....

2 Corinthians 4:8

"We often suffer, but we are never crushed. Even when we don't know what do, we never give up. In times of trouble, God is with us, and when we are knocked down, we get up again."

All I know, is that God is watching over me and He is much more powerful than any petty disease. The doctors have their limit and have done what they can, God will do what they cannot; the impossible. He has opened doors where I saw no way out, and I know he has control of this entire situation. Cancer changes us, it affects the surrounding family members as well. But it's up to us to decide what that change will mean in our lives; And who we will become as a result.



Friday, August 26, 2016

What's Going On...





I don't even know where to start... well i'm still alive; so lets start there. I have an entire new set of doctors and care takers. After having many issues with my previous doctors, I knew that ultimately my life was in my own hands and it was up to me to take control and look for real help. I am now being treated at City Of Hope, and half way through my chemo rounds.

The last couple of months have been quite miserable with all chemo side effects. Oh yes, and hair is gone again. My left arm and hand are completely dead, so frustrating! And I have been bed ridden for more than a month. I've had ZERO energy, and its been 24/7 excruciating pain.

However, I feel so blessed to have the best support system through it all. Although I may be weak, bald and typing with one hand. I have the drive to fight this stubborn disease again, and this time it will be the end of it!!